You are smartest when alone, that is a fact.

Unfortunately for you, and everyone else on the planet earth, no one will ever know how truly intelligent you really are.  For some people I imagine this knowledge will come as a weight being lifted off the chest. No longer do you have to be concerned about showing off your intellect in group settings, because now you know full well that it simply can't be done.

It is a scientifically proven fact that group settings diminish expressions of intelligence. So these scientists, who probably could have done a better study on their own, hooked up some sort of nueroimaging apparatus to peoples' heads and found out, yup, people in groups are idiots. It isn't that the particular people that go to groups are idiots, but rather just being in a group setting drastically lowers your IQ.   

It makes sense though.  Think about all the brainpower that goes into not scratching your butt in front of others. Basically just acting socially acceptable takes a lot away from actually thinking of the task at hand. The best part about this little study is that women are affected more than men.  Oh you vain, self-centered, over-concerned females constantly making a foofaraw(word of the day) out of naught.  My apologizes for the sockdolagar(another word of the day), I don't mean to be bumptious (word of yestday). --I had to force some absquatulation of elucidating terms, so I could incorporate the words of my day. Also I am not sure if I used 'absquatulate' in the right context there, but I am sure you know what I mean.


 Anyway, back to the topic, women work in groups about as well as a bunch of miniature yorkies. Of course we have to take into account that  men automatically become idiots when there is a girl present. In fact, studies suggest men become mentally impaired simply by thinking about interaction with a women. That is sort of pathetic.  And, yeah... it sucks.

So if you are a women stay away from group settings. If you are a man you too should stay away from group settings, especially the kind that have girls mixed into them.  My suggestion is that you  distance yourselves from everyone. Get as far away as possible.  That way you can preserve what little brain juice you may have left. Also talking to yourself helps stimulate cognition, so do that whilst sitting alone in your makeshift fort out in the middle of nowhere. 

I Spend Way Too Much Time Online

This is what happened today.  

How is that even possible?

My Silly Little Blog Got Some Silly Little Attention

So I looked up what Google thought of my site... Apparently number one search term that correlates best with this particular blog is ' horse trough'.  Yup, you caught me Google. I blog about horse troughs.

Then the next two are things I actually mention in my blogs. The end of the world is an important thing to blog about, and talking to yourself is basically the same as blogging... and that is what I am doing...right...now...

Then Beiber topless. Ha thank you, Google. When people search for that term online I want them to see my blog.

 Any way look at this.

LOOK AT THAT! I got 113 views on this silly thing! In a single day.  I understand that probably most of you who blog get a lot more than that, but for me that seems like a lot. 

I want to know.  Who even are you people reading this?

Just Cause It's a Kid's Cup Doesn't Mean I won't Spit In It.

Truth is I have never spit in anyone's cup before.  Not even once.  Have I ever thought about spitting in a kid's cup?  Let me tell you a short story then I will answer your question.

So I am at work right? Yes. That is where the story starts.
"Guess what I learned today" I give a  brief pause long enough to build tension but not long enough for anyone to try to answer or lose interest. " LDL 'bad' cholesterol isn't even bad for you". Seriously, that is what I said.  Most everyone at the table looked at me with a quizzical expression as if they never heard of coronary heart disease before.

"Oh yeah, guess what I learned today."  My anonymous and indiscreet coworker said, "If you mix Captain Morgan with orange juice it taste like breakfast."

"So you are saying you drank hard liquor for breakfast?"

A few hours past and of course we are working.  None of my fellow coworkers seem overly impaired tonight.  Then one of the regulars comes in. He is jolly.  Jolly in the kind of way that makes you want to splash Mountain Dew Code Red in his face because you know a tickle fight will ensue afterward and everyone will end up laughing until their sides hurt.


I didn't splash Mountain Dew on him. He didn't even want any Mountain Dew. He asked for hydrogen oxide. Not kidding.  That is what he wanted. Needless to say, I was surprised. Who even asks for that? Nobody, that's who.  Now since this threw me off guard I asked if he was talking about 'bubbly type water'.  He laughed in my face, that big jolly freaking laugh of his and was all like "c'mon kid, ain't you never taken physics before".

That is when it clicked.  He was talking about water.  Duh.  This old dumb stupid idiot wanted water. The reason it threw me off is because he didn't want hydrogen oxide. I don't think that exists, not as something you drink anyway.  He meant dihydrogen monoxide.

Then another thing clicked. He probably had never taken a physics class in his life. Because if he had he would know that physics and chemistry are two different courses. 

So you can bet by now I am all sorts of hateful toward innocent costumers that just want to gnaw on some boiled carrots and slurp some bread pudding before they take their evening pills and drift away into another dreamless night before yet another day . That is when it happened.

A kid sitting at a table has a loot like it wants to communicate. Cautiously I approached the table. " Could I have a root beer in a kids cup."

A barrier broke in my mind like a wall collapsing. I felt my entire paradigm shatter, the world crumbled before me, fragments of glass hovered like stars suspended in space. I was in a universe I had never before seen, yet it had always been right before my eyes.

The kid knows that it is a kid.  It isn't trying to worry about cholesterol, or boozen, or physics, or anything.  The main concern this little human had was getting a smaller cup than everyone else.  How about that, huh? I don't know. It really impacted me in some way.

I replied and I couldn't help but smile. "Sure kid."

Now you ask me, do I ever think about spitting in kid's cups?
Yes. Of course. I incorporated almost those exact words into the title of this blog.

Days Become Darker and Darker From Here On Out. (Summer Officially Begins.)

I am sure you are all aware that yesterday marked the official beginning of summer.  Summer solstice, if you will. Which I hope you will. That is what they call it.  I didn't make it up.  Perhaps you thought today was summer solstice. No. This year the solstice came early.

Why is this important at all? Because summer solstice marks the day that I got my GoPro.  Ok. truth be told, it isn't all mine. I went halfsies on it with Eric.

Think of all the cool things I could video record with that little camera thing; for example, i could film me making breakfast, me going to work, me at work, me coming home and eating lunch, me playing around in the living room until I get cranky and tired and want to go to bed, me blogging for no good reason, and the list of things goes on and on.  So yeah, be excited.

I made play-dough into bonsai tree and some hot babe.

If you are instagram you probably already know.  I am going through a phase. I am not ready to give it up, but asking for help seems a bit superfluous.   In time I'm sure play dough will not interest me like it does now.  I grow out of things pretty fast, especially things that smell like overweight electricians. 

Also in regards to earlier posts about the worlds end. Suppose the world does end. That means from here on out every day is going to be shorter and shorter than the last, darker and darker too.  Ps. you know what is funny. Winter solstice happens December 21, but that isn't the fun part.  It happens at precisely 11:12 pm which is military time for 23 hundred hours and 12 minutes!!! (follow the link to learn what the exclamation marks are about)

Just think about it.

Ebooker, Personality Critic, Conspiracy Theorist

I told you I started writing Ebooks. This is an Ebook that I wrote about weight loss. I recommended that you read the first two pages, unless you actually want to learn how to cut some weight in an easy, non-stressful way, in which case you should read the whole thing.

Psst. Hey guys I started a new one. It is about celebrity health, sorta like an in depth look at how celebrities attain the bodies that they have.  Full of good stuff.  And I have a sneak peak for you too. 

Haha. What? Yeah I totally wrote that. It is copyrighted, so don't even think about taking it. From that sentence I assume you inferred I was mentioning Chris Hemsworth and his Thor workout routine. I am sure after you read that your heart skipped a beat. Well if you want the whole entire titalting story you are just going to have to wait because I am not even done with it yet.

Here is the thing. It was supposed to be finished last Friday, but I got caught up with the whole Examiner thing.
-- By the way, I scored 8 of 8 on the editorial review of my last article about Will Smith's wife-- So anyway, now I am actually working on it again, but it turns out this topic of celebrity health is like a treasure trove of receipt paper. There is so much information about seemingly valuable things, it is just more than I could have ever hoped for or wanted.

So read about health. It is good for you.

PS. Sorry this article wasn't some conspiracy revelation. I know you all love those so much, but I can't have a revelation every single day..  But I do feel a really good one coming along shortly, maybe on Wednesday or Thursday. 

PPS. Oh yeah. A new game I just made up.  Whoever can point out the most grammar/ spelling errors wins a "mention" in my next blog.

December 23rd: The Day That Changed Everything (Coincidently My Birthday)

If you read my last post about the end of the world then you will remember a bit about how it is happening on exactly my 84 hundredth day of life.  This is evidence enough to conclude that, well, I am the chosen one.-- quick note: there are close to 490,000 people born everyday, meaning there are close to 489,999 other "chosen ones"-- Even though this colossal dirt clod of information stands impermeable against all doubt that I am any thing less than "chosen", I began to wonder.  What if the date of December 23rd is an important factor in the history of the world, apart from just being the day of my birth.
I grabbed my chocolate cake (compliments to Whitney for that), heated up some tea, and started up the stairs toward my bedroom where I locked myself up, isolated from the rest of my roommates (who are all probably very worried about my sanity right now.)
Like any curious lad I started my search with the Google.   Immediately mountains of information poured across my monitor, revealing that December 23 is much bigger than anyone could have ever expected. Turns out my irrational suspicions had something to them.
This is no clandestine work of secret cults.  This, what I am about to reveal to you, could not have been planned or conceived of by any mortal. Though the events of this day were not always positive, the deep impact of December 23rd resonates throughout the entire history of our earth, from beginning to the very end.

Imagine this full of pearls.  Eat it up.

 
Discovery Number One: December 23, 1776 Thomas Pain -- coincidence that we share the same first name? -- delivers The Crisis. "These are times that try men's souls", it is part of the speech.  "What we earn to cheaply we esteem to lightly" this is part of the speech too.  He is talking about freedom and taking it back from Britain.  This speech, The Crisis, awakened America. It was one of the leading factors in the fight for freedom.
Ok, sure my birth shares a day with an important part of history. Whatever, no big deal, right? WRONG.

Why This Is So Freaky: 2,556 months after the speech was given I was born. The day that I realize that (today), just happens to be Siddhartha Gautama Buddha's 2,556th birthday. No joke. Click the link and find out for yourself.
In case you didn't know, there are many Buddha's. The word 'Buddha' is a title for the first awakened being in an era. Siddhartha Gautama Buddha is considered to be the first, supreme Buddha. The day that I discover the importance of of my own destiny just so happens to be the day that the first ever and supreme Buddha was awakened.
Recap: 'Buddha' means first awakened being in an era.  Today (the same day supreme Buddha was awakened) I find out that I am the chosen one, well at least one of the 489,999 chosen ones. Now, being the chosen one doesn't just happen over night, it is engrained in the fiber of one's being. It has been encrypted in my genetic code since my birth. I guess you could say, the knowledge has finally "awakened" within me.

This picture speaks for itself.

By now I am half way through with my cake. My herbal lemon, throat soothing tea is now the perfect temperature. I am feeling a strange sense of vertigo. I blame it on the combination of sugar and the sleepiness. My roommates have been quite for the last ten minutes. I am sure by now they have stopped worrying about my sanity .

Discovery Number Two: On December 23, 1913, President Woodrow Wilson signed the Owen-Glass Act, creating the Federal Reserve System, an independent agency of the U.S. Government.

Why this is Freaky: 1913 is obviously only 99 years away from 2012. That means the FED was born 11 hundred and 88 months before the world is going to end. I believe numbers have meanings so I looked up the meaning of both 11 and 88, because they stood out to me as frighteningly clean numbers.    

Eleven: 11- Christian Numerology meaning deals with imperfection, disorganization or disorder.
Eight Eight: 88 - Assertive, power complex, maintains a slightly haughty arrogance separating self from others, likes to challenge people in authority positions, in extremes can be very destructive, intellectual arrogance, devious getting to the "top", “know it all”, destructive attacks against religious and ideological institutions.
It seems that the cosmos is trying to tell us something.

"My name is Woodrow. I am much smarter than you are."

Discovery Number Three: George Washington resigned his commission as commander and chief of the Continental Army December 23, 1783.
This is not good. If we think about it this would correlate most with tyrannical government. Am I right? So lets compare it to the birth of the FED.
1913 - 1783  =130
130 x 12 =1560
Fact: 1560 was a leap year starting on a Monday.
1560 is also the sum of 39 and 40.
Thirty Nine: 39 - Christian Numerology meaning deals in reference that with having a sickness or disease
Forty : 40 - Christian Numerology meaning deals with probation or trial. This number has also been used to describe a period of judgment.

Discovery Four: December 23, 1933,  train crash in eastern Paris, 230 die. TWENTY THREE HUNDRED!

Discovery Number Five: December 23, Celebration of Amitabha Buddha's Birthday. Amitabha Buddha is the Buddha of the western land (The Americas?) and of the land of ultimate bliss (Again, I ask, the Americas?)
I am from America. This  Buddha is all about the Americas. Correlation? I think there is. We are born on the same day. Correlation? Again, I say I think there is.
The Kicker: Bhikshu Dharma Treasury made 48 inconcievable voes to Buddha. This consequently led to him becoming a Buddha himself.  48 is the inverse of 84, which brings us full circle back to the number of days in my life until 12/21/2012.

Do I think the world is going to end? The short answer: yes.  
That is to say, the world as we know it will end.  Everything will change I am sure to some degree or another. I don't think everyone will die. I think there will be a very average amount of deaths on that day. 

I have eaten as much of my cake as I possibly can, because there is none left.  All that remains of my tea is cold but I am still drinking it anyway. I am beginning to worry about the how people will perceive my sanity, or if it is there to be perceived. 

Wrong context.

Final Discovery Before Bed

Genesis 1:23. "And the evening and the morning were the 5th day"
Remember how when the earth's magnetic shield stops blocking the sun's rays everyone is going to be subject to an increased amount of photon exposure. Remember how this is going to illuminate everyone and raise mankind to a higher level of sentience.

Biblical meaning of number five is grace and redemption.

There is going to be grace and redemption, which means the evil will be wiped away. We will start fresh like a sunrise in the morning.  It is all right there in Genesis 1:23.

Side note: Interesting that just before the end of the world (as we know it) there is going to be a presidential election. 

I wouldn't worry about the December 2012.
I would be more concerned with Revelations 20:12.

Thom Thursday (It's a new thing that won't continue)

I am sure all of you have been anxiously awaiting my post ever since the bombshell of blog I left when I told you all about my prophetic end of the world revalation-ish type thing.  You see the problem is I have been so busy at work actually working that I don't have a lot of time to post on my personal blog.  

So I will catch you up quick.  I have been slack lining a lot.  There that's it. That is everything I do outside of work summed up into a total of seven words (seven, biblically representing completion). If you like slack lining and you want to contact me about it, please do.  I love discussing things with people, just so long as they are not within touching distance of me.

Here is what I have been doing at work.  www.examiner.com/user-thomvaladez.  I write about celebrities. HURRAY! Now I am kind of new to tabloid type shiz, so I am still not totally sure how I want to go about doing it.  You will notice in some that I am informative and nice about the celebrity, but then in others I am not.  As usual grammatical errors and typos are to be expected.  Those will not be changing anytime soon. Look I can't help who I am, alright? and I aint about to change for no one. 

I started to set up a tumblr but then I got bored.  There are just too many online sharing sites. Like have you guys ever heard about  adfty, bitly, blip, bordom, bryderi, cirip, delicious, or AOL. I thought not. The list could go on too, probably for ever.

Oh yeah, playing foursquare.  It is more like a chore than a game, but I do it anyway because it is important to me.  Basically, whenever you get anywhere you are are supposed to take a minute out of whatever it is you intend to do so that you can virtually check into your location. Is that not the most genius application of GPS technology you have ever heard of? Oh how I love the future. 


toodaloo.