Just Cause It's a Kid's Cup Doesn't Mean I won't Spit In It.

Truth is I have never spit in anyone's cup before.  Not even once.  Have I ever thought about spitting in a kid's cup?  Let me tell you a short story then I will answer your question.

So I am at work right? Yes. That is where the story starts.
"Guess what I learned today" I give a  brief pause long enough to build tension but not long enough for anyone to try to answer or lose interest. " LDL 'bad' cholesterol isn't even bad for you". Seriously, that is what I said.  Most everyone at the table looked at me with a quizzical expression as if they never heard of coronary heart disease before.

"Oh yeah, guess what I learned today."  My anonymous and indiscreet coworker said, "If you mix Captain Morgan with orange juice it taste like breakfast."

"So you are saying you drank hard liquor for breakfast?"

A few hours past and of course we are working.  None of my fellow coworkers seem overly impaired tonight.  Then one of the regulars comes in. He is jolly.  Jolly in the kind of way that makes you want to splash Mountain Dew Code Red in his face because you know a tickle fight will ensue afterward and everyone will end up laughing until their sides hurt.


I didn't splash Mountain Dew on him. He didn't even want any Mountain Dew. He asked for hydrogen oxide. Not kidding.  That is what he wanted. Needless to say, I was surprised. Who even asks for that? Nobody, that's who.  Now since this threw me off guard I asked if he was talking about 'bubbly type water'.  He laughed in my face, that big jolly freaking laugh of his and was all like "c'mon kid, ain't you never taken physics before".

That is when it clicked.  He was talking about water.  Duh.  This old dumb stupid idiot wanted water. The reason it threw me off is because he didn't want hydrogen oxide. I don't think that exists, not as something you drink anyway.  He meant dihydrogen monoxide.

Then another thing clicked. He probably had never taken a physics class in his life. Because if he had he would know that physics and chemistry are two different courses. 

So you can bet by now I am all sorts of hateful toward innocent costumers that just want to gnaw on some boiled carrots and slurp some bread pudding before they take their evening pills and drift away into another dreamless night before yet another day . That is when it happened.

A kid sitting at a table has a loot like it wants to communicate. Cautiously I approached the table. " Could I have a root beer in a kids cup."

A barrier broke in my mind like a wall collapsing. I felt my entire paradigm shatter, the world crumbled before me, fragments of glass hovered like stars suspended in space. I was in a universe I had never before seen, yet it had always been right before my eyes.

The kid knows that it is a kid.  It isn't trying to worry about cholesterol, or boozen, or physics, or anything.  The main concern this little human had was getting a smaller cup than everyone else.  How about that, huh? I don't know. It really impacted me in some way.

I replied and I couldn't help but smile. "Sure kid."

Now you ask me, do I ever think about spitting in kid's cups?
Yes. Of course. I incorporated almost those exact words into the title of this blog.