Did you create the universe? (Thoughts that keep me awake)

It is 5 AM. I apologize if this becomes dumb or if it is continuously dumb throughout. Ok. Lets begin. Vibrations do not have intrinsic attributes like color or sound. Ok, so what? So everything that you have seen or heard has only been your mind's way of interpreting all the junk around you.

Want to Accomplish A Goal? Then Keep it To Yourself

keep it secret.

Here is a fun bit of psychology for you.  If you have a personal goal that you really want to accomplish then do not tell anyone about it.  Studies have shown that any time you share a personal goal with someone, you are less likely to accomplish said goal.  Hmmm interesting.

Frozen Salmon In my Underdrawers

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According to The Longman Writer ^8th edition, a title should be short and concise.  It should prep the reader for the story to come.  So that is why “Frozen Salmon In my Underdrawers.”

Note: People don't like blood pictures on Instagram.

Uhhg. I can’t believe I am doing this. Blogging when I am not at work. I am not even getting paid. I feel like an old cat lady or a photographer.  yuck.  I do have good reason though.  I split my toe open real good, so I can't walk or climb or run or slackline or do anything.  Because of the toe and some extra free time caused by unfortunate recent events all my school work is done, I even worked ahead so I don’t have to do any homework till mid October...  Also I think I pinched a nerve near my greater trochanter right above my femur to the left of my sacrum. And, that is why the frozen salmon.   Because the ice cold lean fish protein helps to alleviate the inflammation. Plus holding frozen meat to your thigh thaws it like 3 times faster.  Not to mention, great nutrients. Wait. I don’t have to explain myself.  So what if I am going to eat it?  It is my fish I can do what I want... I straying off topic.

Anyways, here is the story.  So I am sitting at the piano learning the song Love One Another with a fish in my pants when I get a phone call from my roommate’s fiancé.  Basically she says” blah blah blah, I am a girl, blah blah blah, my friend, blah help ”. Typical girl talk.

So I agreed to help her friend do something even though she wouldn’t tell me what it was.  That is ok though because I didn’t tell her about the concealed frozen fish. 

I have to fast forward over the boring parts. So I am only going to give you the main snippets.  16$ gas, Arbys, radiator fluid, military communion, freeway, hazard lights, spilled batteries, swimming pool, pedestrian on the street walking when the cross signal clearly depicts a flashing hand. You know what I mean. 

Findly look like this except younger

So I am driving sergeant Findly (a.k.a. roommate’s fiancé’s friend) back to his car after our little adventure. It is cool and all because he is like straight from Iraq and has all sorts of awesome stories. The only problem is he thinks his stories are better than my stories.

He is all like.  “I worked for the FPC (force protection corp.). Basically we were the first responders to any enemy attacks.”

I was all like, “that is cool, but I wrote articles about health and fitness for a small SEO company”

“but then they moved me to the gate.” he said a bit dejectedly. 

ha the gate, nothing cool can happen at the gate. I figured I had won.

Yeah, it is crazy” he was saying. “90 percent of the time you are just pushing a button to let people in and out. But then there is that one time… you know those bombers with the TNT strapped to their chest. Well, those happen at the gate. where I was." he paused for a moment and looked out the car window" Anyways after something like that you realize ‘wow I could have died’ and life seems to catch up to you. That is when you really begin to appreciate—

“yeah sure that’s great”. I interrupted “How about this though? So there I am climbing the wall at the Dixie College and this old couple is playing ping pong just minding their own business.  Suddenly out of nowhere their ping pong ball rolls underneath were I am climbing.”

He tried to cover up his genuine amusement and interest with a courtesy laugh and a confused expression but I could tell how he really felt.“Then after the gate they repositioned me in the tower”  Climbing must have sparked his memory about times on the tower.  “Usually, we keep IP on the tower. IP is Iraqi Police just so you know.”

Iraqi Police

“I did know” I lied.

“Well, when we had the IP up for watch we kept getting attacked. You see, the Iraqis would get a square bar, a metal sheet and some old m49 or m83 ammunition and they would fashion themselves some homemade mortars.  These weapons could only shoot a distance of 200 meters at max. Well within visual range. Either the IP just didn’t have good watch skills or they were intentionally letting the attacks happen.  So that is why they put me up there. “

Fortunately by know we had made it to his car, and he was in a hurry to get to drill or something or other.  So there wasn’t time for us to continue our little discussion. 

Though I do have some questions in my mind from the whole experience. Why the heck didn’t my roommate’s fiancé just call my roommate and ask him to help the bloke?  I would assume it is because the fiancé and friend had a romantic history, because he told me they did.  I would also assume because the friend of fiancé used to date fiancé then fiancé thought it would be best to keep betrothed roommate out of it, for drama purposes.  Despite their being no real animosity between the two men, the military ex-lover and the current betrothed roommate, it is still fun for girls to pretend like their could be drama and needlessly introduce an innocent bystander into the equation in hopes of avoiding a dramatic situation, even if the dramatic situation never really existed.

Also I never told him that I was holding a frozen fish in my pants moments before I gave him a ride.  Why would I? That would be weird.

There we go a post with everything, drama, action, romance, and adventure. I am proud of myself for this.

Happiness is exercising until you throw up

Today something amazing happened.  Yup, I spewed in the locker room of Golds Gym. Don't tell anyone though because... well, actually you can tell some one. What I meant was I didn't tell anyone.  After it happened I just left. I was going to tell the people at the front desk but I got nervous because the people was an attractive woman. So to avoid embarrassment I decided not to say anything. Crises averted. Problem solved. Situation assuaged?...

It is 2:30 now, and it has been 6 hours since the incident. I have brushed my teeth and eaten a Chicken Mango Salad from Costa Vida. I feel better than ever.  You know,  the best things in life money can't buy. Let me explain.  There was a moment when was stumbling out of the locker room and I saw this man who had a look like "I know what you did". I ignored his look because my head felt like it was floating off of my body. And, I was concerned that if I didn't get to my car soon my head might leave my body to collapse to the ground.  Needless to say I made to my car with my head intact.  That is when I realized. Money can't buy workout-so-hard-that-you-spew.  Only the people who truly work for it will ever know that joy.

Now for the joys that money can buy.

That is me in a bath tub full of 2,600 dollars.  I saved all my tips from the summer in a back pack and then swam in it for a minute.  Turns out it is actually quite refreshing despite how filthy dollar bills are.  Hey do you see that weird brown thing by my left shoulder? What is it?

Ps. if you want to see me doing a front flip onto a moving treadmill click here.
 

Kneel Before Your Gods, Babylon.

Hello my brethren.  Today we are going to talk about idol worship.  Why would people do that?  Is it because we all have a void in our heart the needs filling?  Or are these idols a projection of one's self, ego, or pride?

Allow me to philosophize for a second before we continue on to the meat of the blog.  Mmm... blog meat, slowly cooked in the red hot hands of Ra.

Without something to fill that void, men grow restless.  The void grows, eating away at man's core eventually causing him collapses in upon himself.

Religion or worship provides substance. It is that exhilarating force that propels man.  Of course, people can worship whatever they want.   But two men worshiping different things will propelled in completely separate directions. Why would I say all this?  Because look at this.

Kneel before your god, Babylon.

Holy crap. This is Avicii.  He is a DJ.  To me this picture looks like an ancient Egyptian ceremony from outer space.  Of course, I know that people are not actually worshiping this guy, but it still looks like how I imagine their rituals would look.   

Then there is Deadmau5.  The worship he gets equates to roughly a 12 million dollar net worth.  So yeah,  I was just thinking if we could transport one of these guys back in time, we could easily take control of an empire. Alls I am saying is alls.  

Real life Pokemon

some pokemon are badgers with
with skulls on their head.

Recently I have been playing a lot of pokemon.  Approximately 20 hours of game time in three days. How do I accomplish all this pokemon playing whilst going to school and working two jobs?  I don't sleep. That is how.
Actually, just the other day I quit playing.  So now instead of searching for TMs in the Pokecenter of Verilian city, I am blogging...

Thoughts on Roads

Geometry fact: Roads are equal
to the shape of a giant violin

Man: the geometric abstraction on this earth. Roads stand as a testament to that fact, and are beautiful ones at that.  They shrink distances and they connect states.  They are the skeletal system for thriving cities and booming metropolis.  They support the vessels that transport the lifeblood of society.  Like fossils preserved in tar, long after we are gone these roads will remain as evidence of all that we accomplish in our lives.

Facts on Impact

• It would take about 732 quintillion packets of Kool-Aid and 91.5 quadrillion metric tons of sugar to turn the ocean into cheery Kool-Aid.
• One atomic bomb can destroy an entire city.
• If everyone on earth was standing shoulder to shoulder, you could fit all of us within the city of Los Angeles
• Everyone on earth could live in a state the size of Texas. If they were willing to live New York type of conditions.
• The average American lives to be about 28 547 days old.
• If you made a new friend every single month of your life, you would have around 900 friends.
• Unfortunately, according to Dunbar we can only hope to keep real relations with 100-230 people. That means each person with 500+ friends on their facebook will never really know about half their so called friends.
• If you have a youtube video that has been seen 100,000 times.  You have been viewed by more people than you could ever realistically hope to meet in your life. 
• There are around 7 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 atoms in the human body.
• Deep down at an atomic level the sub-structure of mass becomes a haze of energy.
• There are about 400 000 000 000 000 stars in the milky way galaxy alone

I Am Bad At Quora (This is An Apology)

I have been on Quora lately and I follow a few questions some about health and running, you know, because it is sort of part of my job description. I could tell you some interesting things about over-pronation.  But back to the subject.  The other questions I follow are mostly philosophical ones, more specifically the ones that are about Atlas Shrugged, Fountain Head or Objectivism.  What I have found is many of the voices online want to demoralize the philosophy and paint it as godless and hedonistic.  Well, I guess in a sense hedonistic is the right term for it, but not in the traditional sense you are thinking.  Admittedly Ayn Rand's (the lady who wrote these books) concept of god was a little off "When I die, I hope to go to heaven, whatever the hell that is." Her ideals on liberty and convictions and loving life were spot on though. However, she does come off a little strong.  She is Russian.

Ayn Rand who wrote these books was from Russia, English was not her first language.  So she learned words and their exact definitions. She understood them differently than the way society did. The definition for "hedonistic": A person whose life is devoted to the pursuit of pleasure and self-gratification.  

Sounds terrible right? Pleasure and self-gratification? yuck those are terribly selfish words.  Ok. But what if instead of thinking of our self as our body what if we thought of our self as our mind.  Suddenly self-gratifying means something completely different.  You see, instead of pleasure being temporary and carnal it all of a sudden becomes lasting and meaningful. A person known as selfish in the traditional sense would not be capable of loving.  However, in the objectivist sense a selfish person would share their love because the act of which provides joy and pleasure for them. It is actually a fact, being good to others makes one happy.  It is actually in your selfish interest to be good to others.  Many people cannot wrap their head around this concept. 

These Quorians write destructive comments about the aforementioned books. It seems their purpose is to dismantle the book and to eradicate it entirely. This frustrates me.  So I share my thoughts and opinions with these people on quora. Because I tell them they are wrong,  they don't like me.  Anyway. Sometimes I feel like I come off too strong.  Sorry.       

Where Will I Be In Five Years? (Controlling my own Country)

Ok I know it is an ambitious goal, but I really think I would be the best man to rule a country.  Well, it wouldn't be just me alone.  I would have people with similar moral convictions (none) help me run the country.  I am kidding, I have moral convictions. It would be a great and prosperous country founded on Austrian Economics.  

The place we erect ( yes, I expect your help with this) will look like Dubai, but without the turbans.  Also I think we are going to have to be stationed in Alaska, which means we get the aurora borealis.  Think of that, skyscrapers that tear into a sky that is painted by the celestial master himself. It will be wicked awesome.

Here is the plan.   

Year 1

Here is the first step, and maybe the hardest.  We will make a website that generates a lot of income, like something bigger than facebook or google, or at least as big as cupid.com.  Many of you are probably aware that since I joined examiner 3 months ago I have made almost 100 additional dollars. So once we launch the site we will be able to take the revenue from that and put it into my celebrity career.  Which brings me to step two.

Year 2

Create an international best selling album that the whole world enjoys. Have the lyrics base around the philosophies of liberty and of a unlimited potential given to all people by a higher being, I am talking about god, but I don't want the lyrics to be so direct.  You know how so many people have that strange aversion to any thing that deals with religion.  So it will be uplifting and spiritually awakening but under the guise of indie-pop music.  This will lay the founding philosophy for the Constitution of the new country.

Year 3

Maybe we could do something like this.

With the huge success from the music career and the website I will be able to use the money and influence to get into acting.  This will be the fastest way to promote knowledge about the plans.  This will also help us to connect with  influential people that may be able to support the cause.  This will be mostly a political move, if you know what I mean.

Year 4

Step four, actually go into politics.  This is when I will become senator of Alaska.  I will need a lot of baking --excuse me, backing*-- here, because we are going to need to change the laws and regulations about drilling for oil.  Don't worry, it doesn't kill animals. The heat from the pipelines actually creates havens for animals, in short it actually benefits the Eco system.

Year 5

Imagine a huge city under that. Beautiful.

Use the huge amounts of money made from oil and internet industry mixed with the influence developed through the celebrity political career, and buy Alaska from America.   We would easily be able to maintain the economy with the oil rigs and with the advanced computing factories we would erect.  We would need about a trillion dollars I think though, so that we could do this.  In five years time the national debt is going to be very high, according to wolframalpha  it will be 15 trillion dollars. We will have to at least be able to pay 1 of that 15. 

Don't worry about pollution and junk, we can use natural geysers for energy during the dark season, and we could use solar energy during the light season, we will just sell the oil to all the other countries. So what do you say? Are you in or are you totally in!?





 

Separation

Just a quick thought,  so I am sitting down listening to music and doing health related blog stuff online when all of a sudden I realize that I am in a room full of people.  My coworkers are all around me.  I haven't said a single word to them. Pretty cool how we can detach ourselves from our natural surroundings with some headphones and computer screen.  I don't know, I thought that was sort of weird.  I wonder if they think the same thing. I won't ask them cause that would be awkward.

Maybe some day this will happen.

I Made A Friend

Recently I got in a row (like a fight not a column) type thing with this guy. His name is Ian.  Ian WithRow. He loves his wife. He has a successful and fulfilling career as a new products and solutions finder for technology companies, which leads me to believe that he is nothing more than a video game tester.  I can't be sure though.  

The Five Cutest Animal Vidoes (and Stunning Psychological Revalations)

Preface.
I am not a psychologist and know very little about psychology. You won't really learn any stunning psychological revaluations (hehe typo) here, unless you have some sort of epiphany while watching these fun videos. If you do, please share. 


Number One 
Butter Milk the Spirit Goat 

Exercise Feels Like Blisters

Hey friends.  It has been a minute since I last updated my blog.  You may be wondering why.  It is because I was really busy doing things that are important.  No, I will not tell you about them. What do you think this blog is? Some place where I just tell you everything I ever did in my life and you read about it.  Can't a guy have some privacy. I am not just going to through my self on the inter-web to be virtually molested by anonymous viewer spider people. Anyways, This blog is about how I brainwashed myself.

Political issues will now be settled with memes

Politics is confusing and boring. That is why most people hate it and avoid it at all costs. Luckily we live in the enlightened edge of digital communication where we can express every thing we want with simple pictures called "memes".

Meet Obama.

Obama Has You By The Neck

Of course you have heard about health care reform.  That is all anyone cares about.  Geez it makes me angry. Ok I will sum it up for you, and then we will get to the real topic.  There will be people that will say, "Health care is the one thing that I believe should be universal. I mean who doesn't deserve the right to live?"  That is a cute notion. Don't fall for it.  You can't just give everyone health care. If you could I would be all for it.  However, there is too much economical whiplash that comes with it. Basically the government wants doctors to work for free.  I don't think the doctors want to do that.  Let's pretend I am a doctor for one second.  I might say something like.  "Welp, healthcare aint gonna feed my family."  You see what I am saying. There is no medication for starvation! Do you understand.

Higgs Boson Confirms Belief In Ethereal Matter (I Am Talking About Your Soul)

Understand that it confirms 'my' belief in ethereal matter (spiritual matter).  Everything I tell you is true.  Even my thoughts truly are my thoughts, I will tell you before I start speculating so you know not to repeat it. Everything else is totally fact. It is actualy like super awesome news for science. HORRAY FOR SCIENCE.

The Higgs Boson was discovered. This is an incredible discovery that a lot of people will take for granted.  Mainly it is great news for the standard model of physics because now it doesn't have to be thrown away.   What? you haven't heard of The Higgs Boson. What may sound like a mountaineer who lives in Yellow Stone, rides bison, and wrestles bears is actually a field, sort of like a magnetic field.

This picture explains everything

This Higgs Boson field has a very interesting quality about it.  It gives other particles mass.  wait did you even hear that? IT GIVES MASS.  just like hot dogs on white bread -- Happy Fourth BTW, I am deciding to call it Dependence Day from now on-- this field provides mass.  

Imagine this Higgs Boson like stuff, it is everywhere and it is all around us, but it really isn't stuff it is more like potential stuff. Other atomic particles pass through this Higgs Boson and collect mass, just like if it was a fast food restaurant. Like people some particles take more than others, and thus they acquire more mass.

Here is why it is really neat. This means that mass 'happens' to a particle rather than being an intrinsic quality.   Each particle is given mass as it passes through this Higgs Boson.  Physicists say this explains why and how dark matter exists, and some other things that weren't really proven, but I don't know all the facts about that.

Because this field gives mass to particles (this is me speculating) it would seem that the frame work of all mass was created before it was ever made into matter.  That means you, my friend, existed before you had a body. Then one day you, you being atomic particles, floated into the Higgs Boson and voila you got a body.  Of course the body did a lot of good developing in the womb and on earth, but the initial essence of you had to start as a template without any mass whatsoever. I am saying you were a spirit in some pre-life. Do you get it!?

To me this makes sense.

You Are A Bit Psychic, and Have Been Since Late Adolesence

I go through these phases where things interest me.  I don't know what it is, curiosity I suppose.  Someday it will probably kill me.

Lately I have been reading, watching, and listening to neuroscientists discuss their latest discoveries. I learned something from a women named Rebecca Saxe. She said, and I am paraphrasing, "Thomas Valadez you are a psychic person".  Now I am pretty sure I think that is what I thought she said, but then again perhaps what I heard wasn't exactly what she meant.  

People have a small part of the brain called the RTPJ (right temporal parietal junction) that is completely specialized to think of other peoples thoughts.  As you read this that little part of your head is going "why is he writing this blog" and the little part in my head is going "cool, someone is reading my blog". Throughout life this area of the brain becomes more and more specialized, and it isn't completely devoloped until late adolescence.

We are basically the same as these two.

• At age 3 a child doesn't understand that different people have their own thoughts.
• Age 5 a kid understands that people have their own thoughts, but still doesn't understand morality in others.
• Age 7 kids learn to understand morality in others, though it is still confused.
• Eventually around 15-18 children finally become able to fully grasp the concept of "other peoples' minds", or at least they understand it as well as an adult does.

Interestingly side note, this part of the brain looked to be about the same size of the Broca (the area of the brain specialized for linguistic skills.)

Reading the thoughts of other people isn't easy though.  Think about it.  You are not just a linear black and white thought process.  You are feelings, emotions, moral mazes, complex experiences, sensations without words. The real neat thing is, the brain is already working to understand all those feelings, thoughts, emotions sensations and moral convictions of other people. Immediately when you see a picture of someone, you have a sense of what they felt and thought.  

Up till now I didn't know that such an area of the brain existed.  Now I wonder. Would it be possible to develop this specific area of the brain.  I am sure it could be done. I mean, would their be some drastic change in society if we made that part of a public school regimen?

You are smartest when alone, that is a fact.

Unfortunately for you, and everyone else on the planet earth, no one will ever know how truly intelligent you really are.  For some people I imagine this knowledge will come as a weight being lifted off the chest. No longer do you have to be concerned about showing off your intellect in group settings, because now you know full well that it simply can't be done.

It is a scientifically proven fact that group settings diminish expressions of intelligence. So these scientists, who probably could have done a better study on their own, hooked up some sort of nueroimaging apparatus to peoples' heads and found out, yup, people in groups are idiots. It isn't that the particular people that go to groups are idiots, but rather just being in a group setting drastically lowers your IQ.   

It makes sense though.  Think about all the brainpower that goes into not scratching your butt in front of others. Basically just acting socially acceptable takes a lot away from actually thinking of the task at hand. The best part about this little study is that women are affected more than men.  Oh you vain, self-centered, over-concerned females constantly making a foofaraw(word of the day) out of naught.  My apologizes for the sockdolagar(another word of the day), I don't mean to be bumptious (word of yestday). --I had to force some absquatulation of elucidating terms, so I could incorporate the words of my day. Also I am not sure if I used 'absquatulate' in the right context there, but I am sure you know what I mean.


 Anyway, back to the topic, women work in groups about as well as a bunch of miniature yorkies. Of course we have to take into account that  men automatically become idiots when there is a girl present. In fact, studies suggest men become mentally impaired simply by thinking about interaction with a women. That is sort of pathetic.  And, yeah... it sucks.

So if you are a women stay away from group settings. If you are a man you too should stay away from group settings, especially the kind that have girls mixed into them.  My suggestion is that you  distance yourselves from everyone. Get as far away as possible.  That way you can preserve what little brain juice you may have left. Also talking to yourself helps stimulate cognition, so do that whilst sitting alone in your makeshift fort out in the middle of nowhere. 

I Spend Way Too Much Time Online

This is what happened today.  

How is that even possible?

My Silly Little Blog Got Some Silly Little Attention

So I looked up what Google thought of my site... Apparently number one search term that correlates best with this particular blog is ' horse trough'.  Yup, you caught me Google. I blog about horse troughs.

Then the next two are things I actually mention in my blogs. The end of the world is an important thing to blog about, and talking to yourself is basically the same as blogging... and that is what I am doing...right...now...

Then Beiber topless. Ha thank you, Google. When people search for that term online I want them to see my blog.

 Any way look at this.

LOOK AT THAT! I got 113 views on this silly thing! In a single day.  I understand that probably most of you who blog get a lot more than that, but for me that seems like a lot. 

I want to know.  Who even are you people reading this?

Just Cause It's a Kid's Cup Doesn't Mean I won't Spit In It.

Truth is I have never spit in anyone's cup before.  Not even once.  Have I ever thought about spitting in a kid's cup?  Let me tell you a short story then I will answer your question.

So I am at work right? Yes. That is where the story starts.
"Guess what I learned today" I give a  brief pause long enough to build tension but not long enough for anyone to try to answer or lose interest. " LDL 'bad' cholesterol isn't even bad for you". Seriously, that is what I said.  Most everyone at the table looked at me with a quizzical expression as if they never heard of coronary heart disease before.

"Oh yeah, guess what I learned today."  My anonymous and indiscreet coworker said, "If you mix Captain Morgan with orange juice it taste like breakfast."

"So you are saying you drank hard liquor for breakfast?"

A few hours past and of course we are working.  None of my fellow coworkers seem overly impaired tonight.  Then one of the regulars comes in. He is jolly.  Jolly in the kind of way that makes you want to splash Mountain Dew Code Red in his face because you know a tickle fight will ensue afterward and everyone will end up laughing until their sides hurt.


I didn't splash Mountain Dew on him. He didn't even want any Mountain Dew. He asked for hydrogen oxide. Not kidding.  That is what he wanted. Needless to say, I was surprised. Who even asks for that? Nobody, that's who.  Now since this threw me off guard I asked if he was talking about 'bubbly type water'.  He laughed in my face, that big jolly freaking laugh of his and was all like "c'mon kid, ain't you never taken physics before".

That is when it clicked.  He was talking about water.  Duh.  This old dumb stupid idiot wanted water. The reason it threw me off is because he didn't want hydrogen oxide. I don't think that exists, not as something you drink anyway.  He meant dihydrogen monoxide.

Then another thing clicked. He probably had never taken a physics class in his life. Because if he had he would know that physics and chemistry are two different courses. 

So you can bet by now I am all sorts of hateful toward innocent costumers that just want to gnaw on some boiled carrots and slurp some bread pudding before they take their evening pills and drift away into another dreamless night before yet another day . That is when it happened.

A kid sitting at a table has a loot like it wants to communicate. Cautiously I approached the table. " Could I have a root beer in a kids cup."

A barrier broke in my mind like a wall collapsing. I felt my entire paradigm shatter, the world crumbled before me, fragments of glass hovered like stars suspended in space. I was in a universe I had never before seen, yet it had always been right before my eyes.

The kid knows that it is a kid.  It isn't trying to worry about cholesterol, or boozen, or physics, or anything.  The main concern this little human had was getting a smaller cup than everyone else.  How about that, huh? I don't know. It really impacted me in some way.

I replied and I couldn't help but smile. "Sure kid."

Now you ask me, do I ever think about spitting in kid's cups?
Yes. Of course. I incorporated almost those exact words into the title of this blog.

Days Become Darker and Darker From Here On Out. (Summer Officially Begins.)

I am sure you are all aware that yesterday marked the official beginning of summer.  Summer solstice, if you will. Which I hope you will. That is what they call it.  I didn't make it up.  Perhaps you thought today was summer solstice. No. This year the solstice came early.

Why is this important at all? Because summer solstice marks the day that I got my GoPro.  Ok. truth be told, it isn't all mine. I went halfsies on it with Eric.

Think of all the cool things I could video record with that little camera thing; for example, i could film me making breakfast, me going to work, me at work, me coming home and eating lunch, me playing around in the living room until I get cranky and tired and want to go to bed, me blogging for no good reason, and the list of things goes on and on.  So yeah, be excited.

I made play-dough into bonsai tree and some hot babe.

If you are instagram you probably already know.  I am going through a phase. I am not ready to give it up, but asking for help seems a bit superfluous.   In time I'm sure play dough will not interest me like it does now.  I grow out of things pretty fast, especially things that smell like overweight electricians. 

Also in regards to earlier posts about the worlds end. Suppose the world does end. That means from here on out every day is going to be shorter and shorter than the last, darker and darker too.  Ps. you know what is funny. Winter solstice happens December 21, but that isn't the fun part.  It happens at precisely 11:12 pm which is military time for 23 hundred hours and 12 minutes!!! (follow the link to learn what the exclamation marks are about)

Just think about it.

Ebooker, Personality Critic, Conspiracy Theorist

I told you I started writing Ebooks. This is an Ebook that I wrote about weight loss. I recommended that you read the first two pages, unless you actually want to learn how to cut some weight in an easy, non-stressful way, in which case you should read the whole thing.

Psst. Hey guys I started a new one. It is about celebrity health, sorta like an in depth look at how celebrities attain the bodies that they have.  Full of good stuff.  And I have a sneak peak for you too. 

Haha. What? Yeah I totally wrote that. It is copyrighted, so don't even think about taking it. From that sentence I assume you inferred I was mentioning Chris Hemsworth and his Thor workout routine. I am sure after you read that your heart skipped a beat. Well if you want the whole entire titalting story you are just going to have to wait because I am not even done with it yet.

Here is the thing. It was supposed to be finished last Friday, but I got caught up with the whole Examiner thing.
-- By the way, I scored 8 of 8 on the editorial review of my last article about Will Smith's wife-- So anyway, now I am actually working on it again, but it turns out this topic of celebrity health is like a treasure trove of receipt paper. There is so much information about seemingly valuable things, it is just more than I could have ever hoped for or wanted.

So read about health. It is good for you.

PS. Sorry this article wasn't some conspiracy revelation. I know you all love those so much, but I can't have a revelation every single day..  But I do feel a really good one coming along shortly, maybe on Wednesday or Thursday. 

PPS. Oh yeah. A new game I just made up.  Whoever can point out the most grammar/ spelling errors wins a "mention" in my next blog.

December 23rd: The Day That Changed Everything (Coincidently My Birthday)

If you read my last post about the end of the world then you will remember a bit about how it is happening on exactly my 84 hundredth day of life.  This is evidence enough to conclude that, well, I am the chosen one.-- quick note: there are close to 490,000 people born everyday, meaning there are close to 489,999 other "chosen ones"-- Even though this colossal dirt clod of information stands impermeable against all doubt that I am any thing less than "chosen", I began to wonder.  What if the date of December 23rd is an important factor in the history of the world, apart from just being the day of my birth.
I grabbed my chocolate cake (compliments to Whitney for that), heated up some tea, and started up the stairs toward my bedroom where I locked myself up, isolated from the rest of my roommates (who are all probably very worried about my sanity right now.)
Like any curious lad I started my search with the Google.   Immediately mountains of information poured across my monitor, revealing that December 23 is much bigger than anyone could have ever expected. Turns out my irrational suspicions had something to them.
This is no clandestine work of secret cults.  This, what I am about to reveal to you, could not have been planned or conceived of by any mortal. Though the events of this day were not always positive, the deep impact of December 23rd resonates throughout the entire history of our earth, from beginning to the very end.

Imagine this full of pearls.  Eat it up.

 
Discovery Number One: December 23, 1776 Thomas Pain -- coincidence that we share the same first name? -- delivers The Crisis. "These are times that try men's souls", it is part of the speech.  "What we earn to cheaply we esteem to lightly" this is part of the speech too.  He is talking about freedom and taking it back from Britain.  This speech, The Crisis, awakened America. It was one of the leading factors in the fight for freedom.
Ok, sure my birth shares a day with an important part of history. Whatever, no big deal, right? WRONG.

Why This Is So Freaky: 2,556 months after the speech was given I was born. The day that I realize that (today), just happens to be Siddhartha Gautama Buddha's 2,556th birthday. No joke. Click the link and find out for yourself.
In case you didn't know, there are many Buddha's. The word 'Buddha' is a title for the first awakened being in an era. Siddhartha Gautama Buddha is considered to be the first, supreme Buddha. The day that I discover the importance of of my own destiny just so happens to be the day that the first ever and supreme Buddha was awakened.
Recap: 'Buddha' means first awakened being in an era.  Today (the same day supreme Buddha was awakened) I find out that I am the chosen one, well at least one of the 489,999 chosen ones. Now, being the chosen one doesn't just happen over night, it is engrained in the fiber of one's being. It has been encrypted in my genetic code since my birth. I guess you could say, the knowledge has finally "awakened" within me.

This picture speaks for itself.

By now I am half way through with my cake. My herbal lemon, throat soothing tea is now the perfect temperature. I am feeling a strange sense of vertigo. I blame it on the combination of sugar and the sleepiness. My roommates have been quite for the last ten minutes. I am sure by now they have stopped worrying about my sanity .

Discovery Number Two: On December 23, 1913, President Woodrow Wilson signed the Owen-Glass Act, creating the Federal Reserve System, an independent agency of the U.S. Government.

Why this is Freaky: 1913 is obviously only 99 years away from 2012. That means the FED was born 11 hundred and 88 months before the world is going to end. I believe numbers have meanings so I looked up the meaning of both 11 and 88, because they stood out to me as frighteningly clean numbers.    

Eleven: 11- Christian Numerology meaning deals with imperfection, disorganization or disorder.
Eight Eight: 88 - Assertive, power complex, maintains a slightly haughty arrogance separating self from others, likes to challenge people in authority positions, in extremes can be very destructive, intellectual arrogance, devious getting to the "top", “know it all”, destructive attacks against religious and ideological institutions.
It seems that the cosmos is trying to tell us something.

"My name is Woodrow. I am much smarter than you are."

Discovery Number Three: George Washington resigned his commission as commander and chief of the Continental Army December 23, 1783.
This is not good. If we think about it this would correlate most with tyrannical government. Am I right? So lets compare it to the birth of the FED.
1913 - 1783  =130
130 x 12 =1560
Fact: 1560 was a leap year starting on a Monday.
1560 is also the sum of 39 and 40.
Thirty Nine: 39 - Christian Numerology meaning deals in reference that with having a sickness or disease
Forty : 40 - Christian Numerology meaning deals with probation or trial. This number has also been used to describe a period of judgment.

Discovery Four: December 23, 1933,  train crash in eastern Paris, 230 die. TWENTY THREE HUNDRED!

Discovery Number Five: December 23, Celebration of Amitabha Buddha's Birthday. Amitabha Buddha is the Buddha of the western land (The Americas?) and of the land of ultimate bliss (Again, I ask, the Americas?)
I am from America. This  Buddha is all about the Americas. Correlation? I think there is. We are born on the same day. Correlation? Again, I say I think there is.
The Kicker: Bhikshu Dharma Treasury made 48 inconcievable voes to Buddha. This consequently led to him becoming a Buddha himself.  48 is the inverse of 84, which brings us full circle back to the number of days in my life until 12/21/2012.

Do I think the world is going to end? The short answer: yes.  
That is to say, the world as we know it will end.  Everything will change I am sure to some degree or another. I don't think everyone will die. I think there will be a very average amount of deaths on that day. 

I have eaten as much of my cake as I possibly can, because there is none left.  All that remains of my tea is cold but I am still drinking it anyway. I am beginning to worry about the how people will perceive my sanity, or if it is there to be perceived. 

Wrong context.

Final Discovery Before Bed

Genesis 1:23. "And the evening and the morning were the 5th day"
Remember how when the earth's magnetic shield stops blocking the sun's rays everyone is going to be subject to an increased amount of photon exposure. Remember how this is going to illuminate everyone and raise mankind to a higher level of sentience.

Biblical meaning of number five is grace and redemption.

There is going to be grace and redemption, which means the evil will be wiped away. We will start fresh like a sunrise in the morning.  It is all right there in Genesis 1:23.

Side note: Interesting that just before the end of the world (as we know it) there is going to be a presidential election. 

I wouldn't worry about the December 2012.
I would be more concerned with Revelations 20:12.

Thom Thursday (It's a new thing that won't continue)

I am sure all of you have been anxiously awaiting my post ever since the bombshell of blog I left when I told you all about my prophetic end of the world revalation-ish type thing.  You see the problem is I have been so busy at work actually working that I don't have a lot of time to post on my personal blog.  

So I will catch you up quick.  I have been slack lining a lot.  There that's it. That is everything I do outside of work summed up into a total of seven words (seven, biblically representing completion). If you like slack lining and you want to contact me about it, please do.  I love discussing things with people, just so long as they are not within touching distance of me.

Here is what I have been doing at work.  www.examiner.com/user-thomvaladez.  I write about celebrities. HURRAY! Now I am kind of new to tabloid type shiz, so I am still not totally sure how I want to go about doing it.  You will notice in some that I am informative and nice about the celebrity, but then in others I am not.  As usual grammatical errors and typos are to be expected.  Those will not be changing anytime soon. Look I can't help who I am, alright? and I aint about to change for no one. 

I started to set up a tumblr but then I got bored.  There are just too many online sharing sites. Like have you guys ever heard about  adfty, bitly, blip, bordom, bryderi, cirip, delicious, or AOL. I thought not. The list could go on too, probably for ever.

Oh yeah, playing foursquare.  It is more like a chore than a game, but I do it anyway because it is important to me.  Basically, whenever you get anywhere you are are supposed to take a minute out of whatever it is you intend to do so that you can virtually check into your location. Is that not the most genius application of GPS technology you have ever heard of? Oh how I love the future. 


toodaloo.

The End of the World, I Don't Want To Call It a Prophesy But...

I would like to share with you how and why the world is going to end.  It is not really that big of a deal.  Just everything on earth will cease to be.  Well, mostly everything.  There will be a few survivors.  I doubt anyone that has ever seen this blog will make it out alive, but that is only because I appeal to a very small group of people, of which none have the means or ability to protect themselves from the impending doom.

Above: an inaccurate depiction of the end of the world

This actually came to me as a revelation, not so much a biblical like revelation but more like im-bored-eating-cereal-in-the-morning type of revelation. Why did it come to me? I don't know.  I do believe that it was not my idea, but rather I was merely a biological catalyst by which the concept could be vocalized and shared.  Why it chose me? I don't know. It could have manifest itself in some person who actually held some authority in their writings.  It could have manifest itself in someone who would have taken the idea a little more seriously, but it chose me and now it is my destiny to blog about it.

The astounding truth hit me out of nowhere back when I was 18, but up until now I had completely forgotten about it.  It wasn't until I was riding my bike to work when it came back.  I was noticing the intense heat from the summer's sun beating against my toned and bronzed skin, and that is when the flame of the revelation was sparked once again.

How It Happens.

The sun is the epicenter of our gravitational solar system.  All the planets revolve around this celestial body.  This is common knowledge, but it is imperative that we start here otherwise the end will not be understood in its entirety.  As the planets orbit the sun they slightly wobble up and down, like a buoy out on the ocean. This is called cyclic movement. Unlike buoy on the ocean, planets take thousands of years to move from top to bottom.

Notice the wavy lines.  That is the what im talkin bout. 

I suppose I should mention that many people have been plagued by the revelation of the earths end. There was Nostradamus who said the world would fall off its axis in 2012. We could take his word for it because he is a pretty authoritative source when it comes to prophecies.

Then there were prophesies of great calamity and natural disasters culminating in the destruction of the entire planet, and we know these are accurate because they came from a group of individuals who lived in huts and sacrificed babies for rain water. I am talking about the Mayans.  

There are others too.  The Incans, Egyptians, and some guy named Edgar Cayce.  Come to think of it, Edgar said the world would fall off its axis, not Nostradamus. Nostradamus just said everything will end. Both statements are nonetheless 100 percent accurate. 

You see when the earth hits that center galactic plain, like it is scheduled to do in 2012 on the 21st of December only 2 days before my 23 birthday on approximately my 8,400th day of existence --No joke, freaky how perfectly round that number is-- there will be what is known as a 'polar shift'.

Fun Facts With Numbers

• 84 is equal to 7 x 12. 7 being the number of completeness and 12 being months in a year.
• Jews were held captive in Babylon for 840 months
• Jacobs days lasted 7 years or 84 months. Interesting to note he is the father of the 12 tribes of Israel.  
• Egypt's 7 year famine.
• Every tribulation period in the bible consists of a 7 year time period or 84 months.
• Yeah and the due date for apocalypse is going to be my 84 hundredth day of existence on the dot.

Coincidence? I think not. Freaky? For me it is very freaky.  Back to the how it happens.

Earths magnetic field is dependent on the suns gravitational pull. When the planet hits that line the south pole is going to want to switch places with the north pole, meaning all heck is going to break loose. Polar shift may sound like some sort of Eskimo based race car game, but in the context of Armageddon those are two words you do not want to hear next to each other.  Basically the south pole is going to move to where the north pole is and the north pole is going to drop to the south pole.

This is a beautiful picture of planet earth maintaining a consistent magnetic field.  This holds all the earths tectonic plates in place, thus keeping calamity and disaster to a minimum. 

Here is a poor illustration of magnetism during a polar shift

During the reversal every land mass is going to be pulled in separate directions. Upsetting the earths equilibrium will presumably cause tsunamis, earthquakes, and the eruption of super volcano's like Yellowstone in Idaho. Basically the entire earth is going to be ravished by disasters of an abhorrent nature. . 

Reversal could take days or it could take years, nobody knows exactly how long the process will last.  

Why This is a Big Deal

Polar shift is a big deal, not because it will kill most people but because of what will happen to the earths magnetic shield.  I don't think everyone will die from natural disasters.  Many people will, but the bulk load of bodies are going to be burnt to a crisp.  

During this chaotic magnetic re-calibration the earth is going to be completely defenseless from the photon rays shot from the sun.  That means scorching rays of light are going to beam onto earth and burn everybody alive.  This intense light will contain more energy and will burn twelve times hotter than a  gyro rocket fuselage.  

The earth will be more or less uh... how do I say this without sounding crazy? It will be baptized in fire. This will cause one of two things to happen.  Possibility A, which is the much more plausible possibility, everyone burns up like ants under a mag glass. Possibility B, the increase photon exposure will heighten humans cognition thus exalting us to a higher degree of sentience. 

Lets hope that for some reason the extra blaring photon light enlightens and evolves us.  

  

- Thom from the Cannibalistic Kindergarten Crew

Music Actually Changes Your Brain

Music is universally known for its ability to change hearts. There is something in the sweet cadence of a catchy tune that makes peoples' hearts just melt. 

"one foot then the other" it's so true.

Then it has also been demonstrated to change peoples minds.  Usually songs are used to brain wash little children into learning good grammar skills.

Neurologists are saying that music actually changes the brain.  Like the actual organ part, you know that tangible glob of fats and water that is supposedly in your head.  Yeah these freaking brain scientists are saying that basically every thought that goes through the head helps to shape the brain.  

There are many facets to the mind-music connection.  Lets look at some.

• Music mood connection
• Music memory connection
• Music pleasure connection
• Music and impulsive tapping connection
• Music language connection

Now imagine the power this knowledge could give us.  We know that music can totally alter someones heart  and brain, but what do we do with this knowledge.  Some punks are going to listen to gangster music, and then some rattle headed teeny boppers are going to be brainwashed by dubstep.  

Here is the thing.  Music is feeding your brain with all sorts of information and it is literally becoming a part of your neural network.  The music you listen to makes up a large portion of who you are. 

So here is what you do.  Listen to the playlists I have created on Spotify. 

Also look at these blogs I did for work about belly fat and about running around topless.  

-Thom

No More Showers, Gassiness, Stinky Feet, Dandruff or Bloody Noses

HOLY EPHING COW.  I  helped a friend get her esthetician license. By "helped" I mean was a guinea pig for two hours. Worst idea of my life.  She and her  instructor were tag teaming me, which at first I though was kinda cool. Not Cool. They treat you all nice and junk at first, to get you all comfortable and cozy. Essientially they are trying to get you to lower your guard, which I foolishly did. Then they ask you to strip. And again, I foolishly did. Then they smile at you and say something sweet like "relax and close your eyes". For some reason they have classical music playing off in the hallway and the whole place smells like essential oils. After they have you laying down, drugged by all the smells and music, in relaxed stupor, and mostly naked, they say something like "ok, now we are going to spread boiling hot wax onto your chest and tear out every hair that you ever held dear." I smiled and thought that was funny. With the whole situation and my surroundings I didn't think she was serious. Then they actually do it. After a couple pints of blood and two hours of torturous screaming, my chest looks like a tomato, I lost both my nipples, and there is a flat fold of skin where my belly button used to be. No joke, they freaking pulled my belly button clean off. On the plus side, I look like Justin Bieber now.

I guess the tabloid I got this from thinks that is a tattoo. 

So, out of spite I have decided to write a post about how showering is bad.  HA, how do you like that esthetician lady! Actually I guess it might be helpful for your career, or maybe you ethetician type already know all this. Oh well. I suppose this is for everyone else that doesn't know the proper way to clean their own freaking body. 

Your face moisturizes itself by way of water and oils from inside the skin.  Hot water loosens those oils and makes them slide off, making your face look like a cracked mess.  So when you take a shower use cold water and only use soap where it is absolutely necessary.  I am going to assume you already know where those places are.

After I got my body waxed, I got on this sort of tricks-to-cleanliness  kick.  I will probably be on this kick for another 22 minutes until I get off work. 

tooth paste on the face is good. right? 

Anyway here is a funny story.  My brotherbro, who will remain anonymous, was making out with some chick.  He does that cause he knows how to clean up good and stuff.  Anyway mid-make-out his nose starts gushing blood like a freaking fire hydrant run over by an ambulance caring an orphan child with liver disease to the ICU. You get the picture, blood all over this girls face. Yes, disgusting and disturbing and it totally happened, but I can't tell you any names. He and his embarrassed and soon to be ex-girlfriend decided never to talk about or mention the incident to anyone. So, of course, a day later he told me all about it.

At least he wasn't making out with a toilet.

Had he been eating spinach and kale, he would have never had to suffer through that agonizingly embarrassing nose bleed.  Heck, he might even be married to the chick now.  What does nose bleeding have to do with cleanliness you ask?  It is gross and dirty, that's what.  Spinach and kale would have prevented the gross, dirty, embarrassing, make-out mishap. Why do I know frivolous facts about spinach and kale, and about how the vitamin K in them strengthens the capillaries in the nose? I don't know how I know that.

This could possibly be the longest and most boring post I have ever put on here.  I didn't even act that angry with all you terrible readers.  When I say all you, I hope you know I am talking to the six individuals that somehow find their way onto this blog.  Do you come here by accident or is it on purpose?  Don't you have better things to do? Ha no, of course you don't.

Well, I am off.  Tootaloo.