Frozen Salmon In my Underdrawers

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According to The Longman Writer ^8th edition, a title should be short and concise.  It should prep the reader for the story to come.  So that is why “Frozen Salmon In my Underdrawers.”

Note: People don't like blood pictures on Instagram.

Uhhg. I can’t believe I am doing this. Blogging when I am not at work. I am not even getting paid. I feel like an old cat lady or a photographer.  yuck.  I do have good reason though.  I split my toe open real good, so I can't walk or climb or run or slackline or do anything.  Because of the toe and some extra free time caused by unfortunate recent events all my school work is done, I even worked ahead so I don’t have to do any homework till mid October...  Also I think I pinched a nerve near my greater trochanter right above my femur to the left of my sacrum. And, that is why the frozen salmon.   Because the ice cold lean fish protein helps to alleviate the inflammation. Plus holding frozen meat to your thigh thaws it like 3 times faster.  Not to mention, great nutrients. Wait. I don’t have to explain myself.  So what if I am going to eat it?  It is my fish I can do what I want... I straying off topic.

Anyways, here is the story.  So I am sitting at the piano learning the song Love One Another with a fish in my pants when I get a phone call from my roommate’s fiancé.  Basically she says” blah blah blah, I am a girl, blah blah blah, my friend, blah help ”. Typical girl talk.

So I agreed to help her friend do something even though she wouldn’t tell me what it was.  That is ok though because I didn’t tell her about the concealed frozen fish. 

I have to fast forward over the boring parts. So I am only going to give you the main snippets.  16$ gas, Arbys, radiator fluid, military communion, freeway, hazard lights, spilled batteries, swimming pool, pedestrian on the street walking when the cross signal clearly depicts a flashing hand. You know what I mean. 

Findly look like this except younger

So I am driving sergeant Findly (a.k.a. roommate’s fiancé’s friend) back to his car after our little adventure. It is cool and all because he is like straight from Iraq and has all sorts of awesome stories. The only problem is he thinks his stories are better than my stories.

He is all like.  “I worked for the FPC (force protection corp.). Basically we were the first responders to any enemy attacks.”

I was all like, “that is cool, but I wrote articles about health and fitness for a small SEO company”

“but then they moved me to the gate.” he said a bit dejectedly. 

ha the gate, nothing cool can happen at the gate. I figured I had won.

Yeah, it is crazy” he was saying. “90 percent of the time you are just pushing a button to let people in and out. But then there is that one time… you know those bombers with the TNT strapped to their chest. Well, those happen at the gate. where I was." he paused for a moment and looked out the car window" Anyways after something like that you realize ‘wow I could have died’ and life seems to catch up to you. That is when you really begin to appreciate—

“yeah sure that’s great”. I interrupted “How about this though? So there I am climbing the wall at the Dixie College and this old couple is playing ping pong just minding their own business.  Suddenly out of nowhere their ping pong ball rolls underneath were I am climbing.”

He tried to cover up his genuine amusement and interest with a courtesy laugh and a confused expression but I could tell how he really felt.“Then after the gate they repositioned me in the tower”  Climbing must have sparked his memory about times on the tower.  “Usually, we keep IP on the tower. IP is Iraqi Police just so you know.”

Iraqi Police

“I did know” I lied.

“Well, when we had the IP up for watch we kept getting attacked. You see, the Iraqis would get a square bar, a metal sheet and some old m49 or m83 ammunition and they would fashion themselves some homemade mortars.  These weapons could only shoot a distance of 200 meters at max. Well within visual range. Either the IP just didn’t have good watch skills or they were intentionally letting the attacks happen.  So that is why they put me up there. “

Fortunately by know we had made it to his car, and he was in a hurry to get to drill or something or other.  So there wasn’t time for us to continue our little discussion. 

Though I do have some questions in my mind from the whole experience. Why the heck didn’t my roommate’s fiancé just call my roommate and ask him to help the bloke?  I would assume it is because the fiancé and friend had a romantic history, because he told me they did.  I would also assume because the friend of fiancé used to date fiancé then fiancé thought it would be best to keep betrothed roommate out of it, for drama purposes.  Despite their being no real animosity between the two men, the military ex-lover and the current betrothed roommate, it is still fun for girls to pretend like their could be drama and needlessly introduce an innocent bystander into the equation in hopes of avoiding a dramatic situation, even if the dramatic situation never really existed.

Also I never told him that I was holding a frozen fish in my pants moments before I gave him a ride.  Why would I? That would be weird.

There we go a post with everything, drama, action, romance, and adventure. I am proud of myself for this.